Scratch-off...

Many of us travel (via airplanes) at least once a month...some of us every week. The one thing that is certain every time you get on the plane....is the uncertainty of how comfortable your seating arrangement will be. It's similar to the lottery, you have no idea whether you will come out ahead or not, but statistically your chances of scoring a pleasant seating arrangement are 1:4.45 (similar to odds of winning on a scratch-off lottery ticket). The best you can hope for is to win one of three....what I'm referring to are the three basic attributes that make-up a good seating arrangement.

They are as follows:

1) Location of the seat - Some prefer the window so they can sleep during the flight and not be bothered by having to get up because the person to the right (or left) of you has a small bladder or pounded a few drinks before boarding the plane. Others prefer the aisle because it gives them easy access to go to the restroom without having to jump over the occasional person who prefers to squeeze his legs inwards toward the seat so you can walk by, rather then to take 5 seconds to get out of the seat so can get by with ease. Another perk of the aisle seat is that get more legroom, as you can stretch your feet in the aisle. Keep in mind though, stretching your feet int he aisle also puts you in harm's way as you risk the chance of getting nailed by the refreshment cart as it goes by. Whether it is the aisle or the window, one thing is certain....no one wants the bitch seat. This is the middle seat. The seat where you are not entitled to any armrest, do not get to look out the window, or stretch out your legs in the aisle. No one wants this seat.

2) Person sitting next to you - Sometimes you get stuck with a 'physically challenged' person. Now some may take this as being mean, so if you are easily offended then please click on your address bar and type in www.drphil.com, hit enter, and enjoy. For those still with me.....you know who I'm referring to. The type of people who are obese and unable to keep their body within the perimeter of their seat. Keep in mind that obesity is a disease, so it may not be these individuals faults that they are overweight. However, if you have to request the stewardess to get you a seat-belt extension, chances are you should have purchased two seats. You know they have a rule like that at airlines, however it's a shame that no one enforces it. But to be honest, if i was the person at the ticket counter that was selling you a flight and if you were of a physical size that requires you to purchase two seats....I wouldn't tell you to do so. Why? Because I'm not going to be flying with you, let alone sitting next to you, so why should I be the 'bad guy'. Here's your single ticket...enjoy your flight.

3) TV positioning - Some airlines, Continental...bless your hearts, offer free movies for your in flight pleasure. Unlike Virgin America where you have your own personal television behind the headrest of the person in front of you, at Continental they have a number of televisions that come down from the ceiling of the plane. Problem.....the number of televisions that come down does not equal the number of seats available on the plane, as such you can be screwed and have a tv directly above you. That means that the tv that is in front of the one above you is 'too far' to enjoy, and the one above you is at an angle that results in the image to seem like the negative of a 35mm film (aka worthless). Another issue with tvs is not so much the positioning of the units, but the genious people that decide to leave their window open to allow all the sunlight to come in and create a ridiculous glare on the screen, making it virtually impossible to make out the picture. You know how terrible the glare can get at your home tv...well imagine how bad it gets at 40,000 feet up when the only thing blocking the tv from the sun are a few scattered clouds.

Chances are you'll hit one of these three attributes, and if your really lucky you may hit two. But for the poor unfortunate individuals that goes zero for three.....I feel you pain. You are screwed my friend, your flight is going to be uncomfortable, annoying and boring. Your only out in a situation like that is to pull out a $20, give it to the stewardess and drink your sorrows away.